What Do You Want To Do With Your Life?

. . . It's such a loaded question. It's a hard question to answer for a lot of people, including myself. 

I am 26 years old & I am barely grasping what I want to do with my life. 

Why do we put so much pressure on the need to know? 
Not only that but once you pass a certain age, you start to be shamed for not knowing.

“The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”
- Walter Bagehot

I was always jealous of my friends & peers who did so well in school not because they tried really hard but because it just came easy to them. They could do well even if they didn't exert any effort. I was always jealous of those kids who knew what they wanted to do & what they wanted to go to college for when we were in high school. I always wish that I could have been so lucky. It's so much pressure on a kid, who barely knows what they want to do tomorrow, let alone for the rest of their life. I've never been a very great student. I don't think it's because I'm not smart, I think it's because I've always lacked the attention span. I always had to work what seemed like five times harder than everyone else in order to pull A's & B's. Other kids made it seem so easy, when for me it wasn't. I never thought that was very fair. Now that I've gotten older & I've thought about it more, I think that classroom learning isn't really adapted to suit everyone's learning styles. Everyone learns a little differently & it would probably be unfair to educator's to make them cater to every learning style - but at the same time it's unfair to students who struggle because of it. I'm sure there are a variety of other reasons that I struggled in school but that's too much to go into here. 

When I first graduated high school, I wanted to go to Cosmetology school. I even went with my grandma to tour a couple of them. I got told by various friends & ex-boyfriends that this was silly, it was stupid, it wasn't a real career, no one wants to date a girl who wants to be a hair stylist, I should go to a "real" college. I'm kind of glad that I didn't end up doing it, I don't think it was my calling - but at the same time, all that discouragement isn't something a 17 year old girl needs to hear. People are assholes. Seriously. Don't try to let other people decide what YOU want to do for you. They aren't going to be doing it, YOU are. So I went to "regular" school. I started at community college, aimed to either be an X-Ray Technician or an Ultrasound Technician but I struggled at first & I dropped out halfway through my first semester. Then when I was 19, I decided to try a regular university, this time I was a biology major, pre-optometry. Being that I'm terrible at math & not dedicated or focused enough to make it through all the science curriculum, after 2 semesters I ended up back at community college. This time I was floating, taking basic courses & electives in an attempt to buy myself some time & decide what I'd like to do. I floated for awhile & finally decided on a business degree. It seemed generic but it could get me a job. After taking a couple of pre-requisite Accounting courses & doing really well I decided Accounting it was. I'm not really sure why I thought this was such a great idea, I'm absolutely awful at math. Now I'm about 9 courses away from achieving my B.S. in Human Resource Management. I have spent 7, going on 8 years trying to get a freaking Bachelor's degree . . . Here I am. Human Resources is something I can excel in, I'm great at paper-pushing, although I know the majority of people can't stand those kinds of jobs. I would still love to do something else, I just haven't really figured out what that is yet, I'm not sure I ever will.

I think the whole point of this blog post is that if you're in a similar situation as me, DO NOT let other people make you feel bad about your journey. Some people get their easily & some people have to do it the hard way. Some people face a ton of curve balls trying to get to where they want to be. I have heard so many jokes about how I've been in school for so long I could be a doctor. It's not OK, people tell me things like that all the time in an attempt to be funny & then I cry later when I'm by myself. I have shed so many tears over feeling like I'm flailing helplessly in a sea of successful peers, about failed classes, poor test grades, about not being where I want to be in life. When you finally feel a passion for something & you are finally handed that piece of paper that says "I DID IT", it will be SO much more worth it for you because you worked so hard to get it. 

Don't let other people bring you down or make you feel like shit. It's your life, not theirs. 

Here are some links to some helpful articles: 

- C

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