Adult-ing

Adulting (v): to do grown up things and hold responsibilities such as, a 9-5 job, a mortgage/rent, a car payment, or anything else that makes one think of grown ups.

When you're a kid, you spend time playing house and pretending to cook food on a plastic stove and writing fake checks on lined notebook paper for bills you don't have yet and fantasizing about how awesome it will be to be a grown up. Sometimes I wish I could go back to childhood and hit my small self on the head and tell myself to enjoy being a small person with no responsibilities. Being an adult isn't at all how you imagine it to be as a child. Bills are real and they stink because no one wants to spend their hard earned money on things like utilities. Also, you think you can eat whatever you want, whenever you want but your stomach isn't what it used to be and when you think it will be a good idea to eat a brownie for breakfast (because you know, you're an adult and you do what you want), you get an alarmingly awful stomach ache and your whole day is ruined. So yeah, junk food for breakfast is not a legitimate fantasy. 

I am 26 (going on 18, haha) and I am sitting here writing this blog post. I don't have a career, I'm not married and I live in a small apartment with my boyfriend. I work a part time job at a vet clinic and I am still struggling my booty off to get a degree online. I spend way more time thinking about things like what color to paint my nails next, how to level up on Pokemon Go or what's new to watch on Netflix than I do things I probably should be thinking about or doing (like homework). I eat way too much food on the go because I don't have any cooking skills, I am really awful at cleaning and putting away laundry (just ask my boyfriend) and I sleep a lot more than I probably should. Being bad at being an adult is very tiresome. I can't stay awake the way that I used to. Also, I'm starting to get wrinkles. So that's unfortunate. 

There is also no "Aha!" moment when you finally feel like an adult. They don't tell you that when you're a kid. I guess you just expect that someday you will be an adult and with that will come the internal feeling of being one. In some aspects, I feel like an adult because when I see teenagers doing silly things I find myself vocalizing what hooligans they are. That is something only actual adults do. On the other hand, I still mostly feel like I could be 18 or 19 on the inside and I just feel like a really large fake adult who just skates by pretending somehow. I'm sure at this point that this is just how life goes and when I'm 50 and feeling like I'm 25 on the inside, I'll be really sad because my wrinkly outer shell won't match my youthful inside feelings. 

I know that I shouldn't feel badly about where I am in my adult life. Everyone is on a different path and I know I will get to where I need to be eventually. Sometimes it's hard not to feel like crap about it when you see everyone around you excelling and you want to punch them in the face when you read their Facebook statuses. 

Here's a picture of a Unicorn because for some reason you read all of this and I feel like I need to give you something for your troubles. 

- C